Holiday Hostess Gifts
The Art of Hostess Gifts: Timeless Etiquette and Thoughtful Ideas for the Holiday Season
There is something deeply gracious about arriving at someone’s home with a small token of appreciation in hand. A hostess gift is not about obligation or extravagance — it is a quiet acknowledgment of hospitality, thoughtfulness, and care.
As holiday invitations begin to fill our calendars, questions often follow: What should I bring? How much is appropriate? Is it still proper to arrive with a gift?
To answer those questions, I turned to the timeless guidance of Emily Post, whose etiquette principles continue to feel surprisingly relevant today.
The Art of Hostess Gifts
What Is a Hostess Gift, According to Emily Post?
Emily Post defines a hostess gift as a small, thoughtful item given by a guest to a host as a token of appreciation for being welcomed into their home.
Importantly, it should be:
Easy for the host to receive while greeting guests
Modest and thoughtful, not extravagant
Something that does not create extra work or expectation
A hostess gift is never meant to be served immediately, displayed on demand, or interpreted as payment for hospitality. It is simply a gift — freely given.
Emily Post even noted, somewhat famously, that a good host never considers their guests a burden. Hospitality is offered willingly, and the gift is not a bribe or a way to “even the scales.” It is a gesture of goodwill.
The Golden Rules of Hostess Gift Etiquette
Before choosing a gift, keep these timeless principles in mind:
1. Keep It Simple
Small and manageable is best. Think gracious, not grand.
2. Never Expect It to Be Used
If you bring wine, a candle, or a treat, it is entirely up to the host whether they open or serve it.
3. Stay Within Your Means
A thoughtful gift does not need to be expensive. Emily Post was very clear on this point: no one should strain their budget for a hostess gift.
4. Thoughtfulness Always Wins
A carefully chosen item — even a simple one — will always feel more meaningful than something flashy.
Timeless Hostess Gift Ideas (Emily Post–Approved)
Candles with a Ribbon
A candle is one of the most classic hostess gifts for good reason. It’s warm, practical, and universally appreciated. Choose something neutral or seasonal and add a simple ribbon for an elevated touch.
Etiquette note: Candles are never expected to be lit during the gathering — they are a gift for later enjoyment
Potted Plants
A potted plant is a beautiful option when there’s something to view — especially during the holidays. Unlike cut flowers, a living plant can last well beyond the event.
If possible, bring it already styled in a simple container or planter, finished with a ribbon. This makes it easy for the host to place without additional effort. Try to avoid bringing a bouquet of flowers. While a very thoughtful gesture, it causes the hostess to stop what their doing, locate a vase, cut and arrange the flowers in the vase. This can be the opposite of bringing a small token that can be easily received by the host.
Consumables
Consumables such as chocolates, jams, spreads, wine, or Champagne are all considered excellent hostess gifts. One lovely option is homemade treats — like a classic Chex mix — packaged beautifully.
A personal favorite approach:
Place homemade treats or candy in a simple bag tied with a bow
Nestle the bag inside a thrifted crystal bowl
This creates a gift that feels both personal and elevated — and leaves the host with something lasting once the treats are gone.
Etiquette note: Again, there should be no expectation that the food is served that evening.
Emily Post also acknowledged that among close friends who frequently entertain one another, hostess gifts are often skipped entirely — or reserved for special occasions.
And that, too, is perfectly proper.
What About Close Friends?
A hostess gift is not about perfection, price, or performance. It is about appreciation. Whether it’s a candle tied with ribbon, a small potted plant, or a simple homemade treat presented with care, the most important element is intention.
Grace is always in good taste.
